Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Impress upon your child not to negotiate with anybody who owns a zombie monkey
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl was a huge surprise hit, starring Johnny Depp as Keith Richards, Orlando Bloom as boredom personified, and Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann, the pirate-loving daughter of the governor of Port Royal. During this frantic, everyman (and woman) for himself brouhaha of a movie, we get to see Governor Swann’s fathering directly impact the history and stability of the British Empire in the Caribbean Sea.
Our Child:
Elizabeth Swann, the daughter of Weatherby Swann, moved to the Caribbean with her father when she was 12 years old. She sings sea shanties, staring aimlessly off bows of boats at the open water. When she first encounters young Will Turner, she steals a family heirloom from him. She keeps this medallion as a symbol of her ongoing ownership of the poor, smitten lad. She is a terrible negotiator, possessing the upper hand but unable to gain everything she can. Her actions cause great expenses in time and money to her father and his colony. Lastly, she is a repeated liar, even playing out her wish of marrying young Turner to the point of falsely taking his name. By the end of our tale, she has almost completely adopted all of the negative aspects of pirates: double-crossing, lies, a lust for golden trinkets, and an anti-authoritarian attitude.
Our Parent:
Governor Weatherby Swann, governor of Port Royal, is a dedicated single father raising his daughter. When she is younger, he is fast and firm in his decision-making, ordering her about with confidence and strength. As the pressures of his job and raising a courting-age daughter without much choice of men with deserving stature mount, his parental decision-making conflicts with his career. He chooses to push her toward the only gentleman worthy of his daughter’s hand in the colony, the esteemed Captain Norrington. When his daughter is kidnapped, he spares no expense in pooling all his resources to rescue her, even setting sail with them to personally oversee the operation.
Our Story:
Make your daughter wear more than underwear in public, even 17th century underwear
On an ocean-crossing move to a new job, Weatherby Swann’s ship runs across the fiery wreckage of a hit and run accident. An unconscious boy, Will Turner, is found as the sole survivor floating on a piece of hull. Governor Swann orders the boy brought aboard and places Will in the charge of Elizabeth. While the delegation of authority may be warranted from a management point of view, placing your tween daughter in charge of anything, especially a contemporary member of the opposite sex, is a huge mistake, especially if you are nobility. She immediately confiscates the only thing of value from the boy and develops a bond that ultimately interferes with Weatherby’s attempts at noble matchmaking. Once she is placed as the boy’s caretaker, she incorporates an authoritarian attachment that compromises her judgement. On top of that, this boy’s life is ruined, as Elizabeth will have him at her beck and call until he dies. Come to think of it, this may be why Will has a bit of a death wish.
As it turns out, young Turner has a questionable family background; his father was a former gang member. Instantly, when placed in the presence of anyone remotely dangerous, Elizabeth steals and deceives. Knowing the medallion indicates that he has something to do with his less-than-upright heritage, she immediately deceives Norrington by saying all she found out was his name and hides the evidence. So not only did Weatherby shackle this boy to his daughter, but he also put Elizabeth together with the rogue element that puberty-stricken girls are drawn to. It is impossible to prevent your daughter from ever encountering these enticements, and may be even worse to preclude her interest in them. But what Weatherby did was essentially sanction her fascination, and ultimately this is the worst thing you can do. Any future argument would end with: “You told me I was in charge of him.”
Ultimately, the former owners of the medallion, a violent, waterborne gang of ne’er-do-wells, return to collect it. As a course of vengeance, they wreak havoc and nearly destroy the town in their search for the gold. Elizabeth agrees to meet the leader of the gang to negotiate a settlement. She trades him the medallion for the cessation of aggression against Port Royal, but fails to include her release as part of the deal. Given her apparent enchantment with the lawless type, it is unclear if she is dimwitted or conveniently forgot to mention it. The gang then takes her away to their home base.
Norrington, Turner, and Governor Swann are all distraught over Elizabeth’s disappearance. While Norrington and Swann prepare an extensive sweep of the area, Turner, unable to function without Elizabeth’s direction, seeks out a recently incarcerated gang member, Jack Sparrow, in his desperation. Sparrow, with the malaise that the genius possess and the insane lament, devises a scheme to steal the navy’s fastest ship with Turner’s assistance.
After Elizabeth’s rescue, the Navy takes on the gang in a battle to curb the thieves’ operation. All told, the destruction of one ship and the loss of men add up to a huge expenditure to find the girl, which ultimately would come back to the governor. Don’t allow your child to put your family’s fortune at risk, especially by empowering her to negotiate terms dealing with your career and income. Instill in her the idea that she cannot nor shall not speak for you, especially during negotiations with hostile opponents.
Lessons Learned:
- “I’m watching over you, Will.” Try not to ruin other people’s lives with your parenting, or create unnecessary symbiotes with your child.
- “A pirate’s life for me.” When you push your child toward anything, you are signing off on it being OK. Don’t sign off on pirates of any sort (except the Pittsburgh kind).
- “I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request.” Never let your child speak for you. Odds are something horrible will happen, like your child being kidnapped by gold-loving, murderous zombie-ghost pirates.
Thanks for reading, and see you next week.