Sci-Fi Parenting

A Family Portrait

First post and I couldn’t think of a better movie to start with than Star Wars: A New Hope. Chock full o’excellent parenting opportunities and a pop culture landmark.

Our Children:

We have 2 kids, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa, both teenagers, both with serious teenage attitudes. Luke is a whiny kid who thinks things just aren’t fair and dreams of flying away to somewhere else. He tries to shirk his chores to go to pick up some power converters from the Toschi station, which sounds like the modern-day, present-galaxy equivalent of buying a video game. And he likes to hang around “crazy old man” Obi-Wan Kenobi, who continuously subverts the authority in Luke’s life by telling him to follow his feelings — doesn’t this sound like the beginning of an after-school special that doesn’t end well?

Leia is the mouthy alpha-girl who wants to rebel against any authority that stands in her way. She’s a demanding princess – need I say more? — who finds nothing good enough for her. She mouths off to authority figures but immediately retreats when she knows it isn’t working. She can’t even be grateful for the guy who saves her life, instead bitching the whole time about how he doesn’t do things her way.

Our Parent:

Darth Vader is trying to bring peace and order to his very stressful career and balance his family life and his faith. Vader’s job as a military man has really kept him away from his kids to the point that he doesn’t even know them. His dedication to his career is laudable. He doesn’t tolerate disrespect. These qualities can be excellent attributes for parenting, but sometimes you need a lighter touch, even with headstrong daughters and crybaby sons.

Our Story:

At the beginning of the movie, Vader is trying to find his daughter after she has gone on a joyride with her friends trying to stir up some trouble. When he confronts her, she spouts off defiantly that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, but we all know she was breaking the rules that Vader had laid down for her. Vader’s response: the classic parental move, sending her to her room and grounding her. This is effective because it is a direct response to the freedoms he had granted her; just, swift punishment is the proper response. Vader’s mistake was that he hadn’t entrenched himself enough in her life at that point…he had only recently become interested in her job and her friends. To establish authority and trust in your children’s eyes you need to take an active role in their daily goings-on. This is a recurring theme as Vader tries to bring structure to his family life but continues to fail.

Unfortunately for him, Vader continues the negative reinforcement when it clearly is not the way to deal with his daughter. In

Don't use the Force

confronting her with a few questions, he threatens her with force, a big no-no (even the pharmaceutical kind). He also does it in front of his co-workers, giving her an audience to play to. A quiet, one-on-one meeting is a far more effective venue for a heart-to-heart discussion to discover the reason for her rebellion. Instead, this public display only drives her away further, leading her to bolt with her friends the first chance she gets.

Vader, to his credit, does have a good idea about the subversive influence that has infiltrated his son’s life. He confronts Kenobi about it, debating their differences in faith and trying to resolve the conflict. Alas, their discussion breaks down into a fight and things ultimately remain unresolved. Vader missed his opportunity to talk with Luke immediately afterward to tell him about his conversation with Kenobi and how he doesn’t want him hanging around with that old wizard. Instead, Vader is too distracted by his own anger to focus on his son’s life. Another mistake – when trying to address a child’s behavior, you need to alert him to the fact that his actions are inappropriate and need correction. If he isn’t told they are wrong, he will never know to change his course when presented with a similar situation. So, Luke continues to talk with Kenobi even after this altercation, which has dire consequences for our parent.

Vader is fed up with Leia’s sneaking around, so he plants a tracking device on her friend’s vehicle to follow them. Normally, this type of deception leads to added mistrust, and this is no exception. Leia knows that they are being followed, so she decides to take it out on Vader’s career to teach him a lesson. She gets Luke and friends to join in the plot.

Leia sends out her friends and brother to ransack Vader’s office building. Another fight ensues, and Vader arrives at another chance to discipline his son. Again, Vader is too blinded with fury to act appropriately. Luke desperately needed some guidance and Vader blows that opportunity by resulting to violence. So Luke turns to Kenobi for the emotional support he needs, and Kenobi helps him destroy Vader’s office and turn Luke away from the Skywalker family religion in one fell swoop.

Lessons Learned:

• “She may yet be of some use.” Establish a solid foundation with your child by taking an active role in her life. It gives you credibility when you want to lock her away and torture her for information.

• “Now I am the master.” Remove all inappropriate influences from your child’s life. Sometimes liberating them from their corporeal form isn’t enough.

• “I’m taking an awful risk.” Don’t respond to deception with more. A deceitful child knows it’s coming.

• “The Force is strong with this one.” Don’t let anger guide your discipline. You’re only teaching your children to answer with violence by blowing up your Death Star.

Thanks for reading, and see you next week.