Spider-Man
Regulate what your kids wear -- especially red and blue pajamas in public
Spider-Man taught us about the benefits of science. Did you know that genetically manipulated spider venom can make you stronger, faster, and cooler, especially if you are the super-scientist school nerd? Really. The sticky hands thing could be a side effect of the venom or the result of peeping in your next-door babe’s window. Time will tell on that one, if you let it. The good news about Spider-Man is that there are two separate parenting dynamics in play, both that need examination.
Our Children: Peter Parker is a scrawny nerd who gets abused by everyone from the school bully to the bus driver. He secretly worships his neighbor Mary Jane but never has had the guts to tell her. Peter is unreliable, forsaking his uncle’s request to help him paint the kitchen to go frolicking about the city rooftops. He lies to his Aunt May about what he is doing in his room and to his Uncle Ben about going to study at the library. His actions and inaction result in his uncle’s death and his cowardice in telling his aunt about what really happened. Umm, being the good guy should mean more than just getting superpowers, right?
Our Parents: Ben Parker is Peter’s uncle and legal guardian, along with his wife May. Ben is recently out of work and a bit down on his luck, but has loving and caring relationships with his nephew and wife. He takes an active interest in Peter’s life in spite of the fact that time seems to have left him by the wayside.
Norman Osborn is a wealthy industrialist and chemist who has built an empire in the defense industry. He has a son, Harry, who lacks the hunger for success that he possesses. He also has an affection for Peter and considers himself a father figure to Peter, being attracted to Peter’s genius-level chemistry knowledge and desire to make it on his own, neither of which Harry has. Norman is a man of great power and questionable ethics and stability.
To bring extra embarrassment upon your children, head out in this garb
The Story: Our hero Peter is the average genius-level dweeb who lacks what we call the social skills. Upon surviving a genetically-altered spider-bite, Peter insults the school bully and then embarrasses him in a fight. Armed with new confidence and combat skills, he traipses around town testing his abilities. His newfound power foments a communication gap between him and his aunt and uncle, fostering lies and deceit. When Peter claims he is going to study at the library (he is really going to fight for money), Uncle Ben tries to bridge the gap by driving him into town and talking along the way. Ben confronts Peter about the beatdown and provides the movie-critical advice that “With great power comes great responsibility.” Peter shuns the suggestion, stating that he’s going to figure it all out. This response from a teenager should not be unexpected. After all, haven’t we all seen superiority complexes developed in other super-geniuses like Wile E. Coyote once they gain an advantage? Ben, clearly disappointed in Peter’s reaction, demonstrates that Peter should have listened by dying at the hands of a criminal that Peter could have stopped. This is an outstanding strategy for parenting. Attaching a memorable event to the lesson is a terrific reminder that your advice should be heeded at all times. Of course, the downside is that you’re dead, so you need to make it a really important point. Don’t use a lesson such as “Don’t chew with your mouth open” with the death stratagem.
Peter and Harry grow closer and move in together. Norman adopts Peter in his own unilateral way, offering him guidance and support. At the same time, Norman is emotionally distressed by drug use and the power struggle at his company and develops a split personality disorder. Eventually, Norman’s quest for power/mental illness and Peter’s acceptance of Ben’s Responsibility lesson intersect. Norman decides to have a chat with Peter, using sleeping gas to set up a private conference. I do not recommend such a tactic. Not only does such physical coercion create deep-seated hatred, but more importantly, it leaves your conversant foggy. If you are imparting your important message to Sleepy-boy, it helps if he is thoroughly conscious when hearing it. Naturally, his message about the public’s treatment of heroes is lost in the haze.
Peter rejects Norman’s request to team up. Norman subsequently attempts to demonstrate why Peter will ultimately fail by forcing him to choose between Mary Jane and his life’s calling. Insolent Peter chooses both, and Norman endeavors to show Peter why he can’t. This type of lesson is better served by life dishing out the results rather than the advisor. Peter cannot accept it in the moment, but Norman forces his hand by killing himself. Again, death provides that reflection where things can be seen with more clarity, albeit this teaching is borne in fear rather than guilt. At Norman’s funeral Peter at last accepts Norman’s truism about the struggles of juggling love and career.
Lessons Learned:
- “I missed the part where that’s my problem.” Overpowering guilt about your death is a powerful memory agent for guiding budding superheroes.
- “Wake up, little spider.” Don’t try to dispense wisdom to your child while he is drugged, especially at your hands. They won’t process anything you tell them and may feel resentment.
- “This is why only fools are heroes – because you never know when some lunatic will come along with a sadistic choice.” While fear can be a powerful motivator, immediate acceptance will be unlikely, especially from someone with spider strength. Reinforce it with something powerful, like death.
Thanks for reading, and see you next week.